For the girls.
February 14, 2014 § Leave a comment
“I came out of the womb with the backside of Beyoncé”, she said.
“And most guys I knew didn’t go after girls like me. Or at least they didn’t try…confirming in my mind that I was too tall, too curvy or just too much altogether.”
These aren’t my words. They were thrown across the lips of a fellow girl over 5’8″ who also has never been able to fit in the plethora of size 6’s taunting us from the rack and dealt with the fall out as a result of her genetics. Our conversations had all started in the mutual bonding of recent dating experiences. We are both convinced that 30 and up is where it’s at and, if this isn’t your age bracket, just hang with me for a moment.
Since turning 30, it’s like I walked into a completely different singles party. And can I just say? It. Is. Amazing. This is where gentlemen hang out – the ones who are not short on their affection or their preferred wine list. They have some maturity, some experience, and have learned how to treat a woman, for the most part. The difference between sharing a table with a mature gentleman and a 20-something still-stuck-as-a-frat-kid guy is like night and freaking day.
And frankly, I don’t know if I’m ever going back. For like my beautiful friend, my height and body shape and body weight have been deemed Too Much by the 20-something crowd. And spending time with a man who appreciates curves and communicates that is just mother trucking incredible.
For though I have almost always been comfortable in my own skin, guys don’t even realize how much they trod over my emotions with a pair of soccer kleats, creating holes as if my feelings were something that needed aerating. If you’re a woman with more curves than a Gap ad, you know exactly what I mean.
Oh, there are the male best friends who can’t possibly ever “think of you in that way” and string you along forEVER. Or the guys who ask your friend out after befriending you to get an “in”. You’re wanted by men in secret, lest their friends ever find out they’re attracted to a “bigger girl”. And then, the guys who leave you standing at the bar completely alone because they ran into something prettier and flirtier. The worst is when they mistreat you, then label you crazy because you’re upset at their terrible behavior.
And each time the dejection came & I was sad. One night, after an absolute row done by an inconsiderate guy, I came home and sobbed on the kitchen floor with my dog.
We were besties after that.
(Me and the pup. Lest you think it was the guy.)
(Seriously, dogs help everything!)
I told my friend that I wish that someone, some tall girl would have grabbed me by the shoulders in the middle of a bar when I was 20-something and, in an incredibly loud British accent, said “Get out of here! This is awful and you know it. Once you’re out of this, just hang on, it gets so much better.
I don’t know that I would have listened, but I think it would have at least mildly helped.
Because let me just tell you, it most definitely gets better.
Men really do exist who really appreciate and value women. Some of you have found them and didn’t tell anyone because you kept them and now they’re your husband! I see you. 🙂
These are the men that don’t make condescending sarcastic jokes at your expense or talk crudely in public. They love height and curves and your loud laugh. (The laugh is one of their more favorite things, actually.) They love your independent spirit and make beautiful food from scratch and buy a bottle of wine with dinner just for FUN.
While I know that my value isn’t wrapped up in what men think of me (you think I get this confidence from them? Please.), spending time with gentlemen is so REFRESHING. The word use is intentional there. With someone who has a little bit of class and a proper serving of maturity, you are no longer too much.
So today, on Singles Awareness Day, I hope you know that I am standing beside you. Stand as tall as you would like, there’s no reason to stoop to hide your gorgeous height.
Know that you are beautiful. Your ‘weird’ smile, your double jointed shoulders, that big patch of freckles running down your arm all give you character. And if you need to lose 5lbs or 50, celebrate the body you’ve been given. Its quirky and mismatched and has that weird mole in that spot you hate and it is YOURS.
There is only one you.
And if there isn’t a man in the picture at the moment to remind you just how beautiful you really are, let *this* be enough.
You go dance in the kitchen by yourself and drink allllll the red wine.
It gets oh so much better.