A conversation with Emily.

November 8, 2012 § Leave a comment

me: I hope you aren’t yelling at yourself too much
Emily: I’m just disappointed in myself
me: I can understand that.
  Hurt feelings wind up having crazy results sometimes.
Emily: patience is hard
me: HA
Emily: having the patience for what He is planning for me is DIFF.I.CULT.
me: i want to high five you so hard right now
Emily: your blog posts have been helping me out a lot though
me: oh yeah?
Emily: yes
  because life is really beautiful
  but there are parts that are just so EWWWWWWWDKAJFDJASFKLDJASFKLJAF
me: AMEN!!!
  Sometimes, I just want to shoot people in the face.
  And 2 days later, it’s the same people.
  It comes in waves.
Emily: yep
  most of the time I want to cuddle puppies in a cloud of marshmallows while listening to george strait and eating popsicles
me: YES
  yes yes yes
Emily: other days I want to punch a baby in the face and smack a lamp up against the wall
me: simultaneously.
With both these words on a screen and my light in a box, I have cyclical thoughts that I should just put it all down.  Hang up the camera, get rid of all the technology, and move to somewhere like Asheville.  Somewhere I can live simply and happily.  Eat good food and have a dumb phone and walk barefoot in the summers.
Don’t get me wrong, fall is my favorite.  Crunchy leaves and hot beverages in big pretty thermoses with a scarf and a light jacket and knee socks with chilly cheeks and hands are all “home”.  It is in these types of moments that my everything relaxes and the 4-year old (of stress) that constantly sits on my chest climbs off.  The crazier the whirlwind the more I love the quiet.
Did you just do a double take?
Yes, I used the words “love” and “quiet” in the same sentence.
The fall also tries to overtake my everything.  It’s this gorgeous cacophony of managing a barely-able-to-control cash flow and doing what I love at full throttle.  If it has an engine, including my drive of ambition, full throttle is basically my favorite.  But, they’re exhausting.  Last night, I got home from working at 1245.  Rotated the laundry, made sure gear was packed up for today, climbed into bed.  Set the alarm and it flashes a message: “Alarm is set for 5hrs and 42mins from now”.
The engineer brain that thought that up should be put in a car on the Zipper ride at the fair after being covered in whipped cream.
Then, emails in all caps about how much my photos have blessed a family come in and conversations like this one happen.  And it’s enough to keep me going.
Because it’s exactly like she said.
Most days I just want to cuddle a puppy on a cloud of marshmellows while listening to George Strait (Or Garth or Little Big Town or Brooks & Dunn) and eating popsicles.  I don’t know about you, but that sounds fantastical.
Thank you for any and all encouragement you bring.
I promise I’ll be a better friend after the end of the month.

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