It’s easy to love, but hard to stay.

August 14, 2012 § Leave a comment

Tears drench my face far more often than I would like as of late.

Sarah saw them today.  In over two years of friendship, she’s pretty sure it’s the first time she’s seen it first hand.  They are something I strive to keep behind closed doors as I fight things out.  Especially in front of boys, I don’t always think tears are fair.

But, there’s something about tears that uncoils all the muscles in my back and the weight evaporates off my shoulders as I unload everything they carry.  What is it about crying that makes life so much brighter?  In the past couple of weeks, as I’ve fought through anger and frustration and weight, the tears have come faster than usual.

It’s so easy to say how putting your heart out there will leave it scarred.  And I said it right back here.  Typing words on a screen is not difficult.  It’s all decoration until real life blows down the door of the party. Until things happen that slice your heart wide open and you’re left clutching your chest and struggling to stand.


Walter David Gray, 38, Killed In Action 08 August 2012, Afghanistan.
His wife, Heather. Their children Garrett, Nyah, and Ava.
Photo from Heather’s Facebook page.

One of the rare ones.  A kind soul with a tough and enduring spirit that loved Jesus, his wife, and his children fiercely. He stood up for his beliefs and what he thought was right and his country every single day.  Then, just like that, hours after his wife pleaded for her husband to return home, an IED ended his life here on earth.  My heart broke into pieces for her.  It still breaks.  And her strength and trust continues to blow me away.  I don’t know if I would be that strong; strong enough to invest in a man, love him, share a life, have children, and lose him in the amount of time it takes me to open the front door to fellow servicemen sent to tell me the news.

All of a sudden this past Sunday morning, everything I thought was important got thrown out the window.  My bitterness against those who disappear and let me down was boiled down to an amount so small it could be picked up off the ground.  Before, it was so large there were moments it affected my vision and my breathing.  The to-do list and the weight that I constantly drag behind me and all of my entitlement disappeared instantaneously.  There were certain lovelies that I longed to have conversations with, but couldn’t.  Mostly the men in my life who do so much and I am unable to embrace.

Men, you should know that you are very much on the hearts and minds of us women.  We are on your team.  No, really.  We plead on your behalf so that you might have hearts that instinctively turn to Love.  We long for you to be intentional, respectful, and compassionate.

Many of us recognize the weight you feel.  We are broken humans, too, just trying to get through it one day at a time. Un dia.  One day.  That’s all you have to make it through.

Life is too short to run away.
Tell the people you love that you love them.
Stay.

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