The words of another.
March 28, 2012 § Leave a comment
I’m supposed to be recanting to you all of my wondrous joyful galavants across the world.
Well, sorry ’bout your luck today, but life happens.
What ha’ happen was, at the end of the summer in 2010, the biggest relationship I’ve ever had on this earth died. Just like Jeremy Piven in (the movie I’ve seen way WAYYYY too many times) Serendipity, it DIEEEEED.
And all of me that was wrapped up in it died, too. Just like any death, grief came and hit me so hard and so fast it took me over four months to really get through it. Friendships suffered, I didn’t even realize what was going on until nearly Christmas, and pieces of that grief still manifest themselves to this day. Over here in Europe, the demons I tried to keep in the closet at home come out louder and with a stronger vengeance.
Which has resulted in a lot of processing. Something that I really should have taken time to do from the get go, but didn’t. It took an email from a dear friend this week to even realize I hadn’t. Instead of facing the darkness that is grief, I have tried to act like it didn’t exist. “Oh, I took four months to go through the (silly, ridiculous) list of stages. I’m through it.”
You must run TO the darkness. It is the only way you can get THROUGH the darkness to the dawn of a brand new day. Push and strive and fight against all of that black with everything that is in your person. Oh, it’s gonna be exhausting. But, you got this. He has this.
It may be that you’ll be on a google chat conversation, and a radiating spirit will be able to tell that you are not okay, and she will begin to speak truth to you. You will weep until you are a slobbering wreck because someone else has jumped over the walls you put up so strongly, but it is good for your soul.
And then, maybe a beautiful woman, Christin, will put up her words on a screen.
“so let me tell you this. there is hope. there is incredible joy. there is laughter even amidst the pain, but you have to walk through the dark parts to get there. do not look at your neighbor and raise your fist that they have it easier and don’t have to walk through your pain. your pain was not meant to be their pain. and you will be blessed by the journey, but that means nothing to the person who sees it going dark so keep your yapper shut if you have already seen the sun rise, and let them walk through it.
there are days where you will look around and feel blessed beyond measure. there are days where you will reach a point of despair unparalleled to anything else you have ever experienced before. if you have seen the sun rise, would you look back and help a fellow traveler? would you take the hope that comes from surviving and carry a sister who has collapsed from the weight of the journey. if you are walking through the darkness would you let somebody know that you are sad and that you cannot see where to go next and ask for people to walk with you on the journey?”
Help, give, serve. And, sometimes, realize you’re the one that needs to do the taking.
It’s all a part of the beautiful collision we call life.