Women are in league with each other, a secret conspiracy of hearts and pheromones. ~Camille Paglia

August 2, 2011 § Leave a comment

Middle grey is a standard in photography.  For black & white photos, you strive to have a balance of contrast that equals out to middle grey.  If you have never done photography, this doesn’t make any sense, I know.  I promise, I’m bringing it around.

Middle grey is the exact middle (in theory) between black and white.  It is where I try to keep my life too, if I’m honest; in this tension between being approachable and a bit guarded; trusting, but not gullible; pouring out Love while being filled in all the many ways it flows in.  And, when I started doing this blog thing, I told myself that I would never talk down about people on here, because people deserve better than that.

But, I don’t know if blogs that don’t reflect my true attitude are honest.  Because there are hard days.  Long, difficult, PISSY days where I need 4 wheels to take me to a big, empty field where I can unload on Jesus.  ‘Cause y’all, being an adult might be the most exhausting thing I’ve done with my life.  (I’m not a parent…yet.  But, I thrive in cacophony and would love a Suburban full, so I expect this statement to be amended.
You’re totally judging me now, aren’t you? ;))

As 30 approaches, I’m caught between the college generation and the Momma generation.  It’s a really weird place to be, with no husband and no children and caring about big things.  It leaves me longing for people, women really, to connect with.  And yet, it doesn’t seem to happen all that often.  A few of my friends say it’s because I’m very optimistic.
I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around that.

Especially because us women, no one understands us like US.  Aren’t we supposed to be the supporters and the cheerleaders and the go-getters and the fixers?  I’m struggling to figure out a way to do that for each other.  It’ll require some vulnerability, true.  But, why doesn’t it happen more often?  Honestly, I think we’re all just so exhausted from doing the laundry and working our jobs and improving ourselves and dealing with our image issues and balancing an easily depleted checkbook and going to the gym and fixing the sink and trying to keep family members “on our side” and paying the electric bill and brainstorming how to keep up in our careers and taking the car to get the oil changed and making dinner every. single. night.

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had the thought, “Jesus, could you just send someone to cook me dinner?  Or take out the trash?  That would be GREAT.”

And then I remember…He has your good in mind.
He has OUR good in mind.

Let’s breathe more and laugh louder and lay out on fields staring at the stars before the winter comes.
Bring a munchie.  The laundry can wait.

With Love,
amaris

 

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