Restless. And some conniving.

January 24, 2011 § 1 Comment

Earlier last week, I confided in my community group (and now in you) that traveling a lot was detrimental to me.  I know.  You’re confused.  How could going and seeing awesome places and new people and sleeping in a different way awesomer bed be detrimental?
‘Cause I get restless.

It’s like I come back and it takes weeks for my feet to land back on the ground.  I get in the car to drive to the airport, which requires me to get on I-40 West, and this squirming starts and the thought runs through my head, every time, “You’re not really attached.  What keeps you here?  Just keep driving.”

It’s not that I don’t pink extra puffy heart Raleigh.  Because I do.  I love it.  I love that I am finally at the point where I am developing actual friendships with solid women within my church.  I love that I run into people at Target who badmouth me loudly to get my attention & then we both laugh incessantly.  I love that as I sit in my most favorite coffee shop, The Morning Times, people see my car on the street and walk upstairs just to hug me for a few seconds.  I am rooted.  For the first time in basically….ever.

And yet….there is this restlessness.
Confession: I told some friends about a year ago that I felt like I was beginning the descent.  In a plane, when you’re about 45 minutes away from landing, there is a sense that the descent has begun.  There is no signal, no light that comes on, no one tells you.  Merely something that you just know.
In that way, I feel like I am in the midst of the descent.  That is most definitely not helping things.

I’m fighting it.  Fighting to stay rooted.  Fighting to not disappear.  Fighting to stay invested.
However, because I like screwing with things, in less than 3 weeks (EEP!) I board a plane with Bethie to go run a half-marathon in New Orleans.  We did some, um, hmmm….trickery 😉 and managed to get our friends Jon and Chris to come along with us.  It was more of an intervention really.  Invited them along to our favorite coffee shop and then attacked!

Now, it’s all over the world wide webz.  Twitter, Facebook, my blog, her blog, (everywhere a blog blog)….we’z gonna have a good time.
Maybe I’ll get some of this restless out of my system.

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§ One Response to Restless. And some conniving.

  • I never planned to stay in Raleigh. Like, ever. In fact, I was all but 6 days away from leaving it all behind for NYC and I knew I was supposed to stay. And then my roots took hold and I loved the city like never before (and I had been here 7 years). It was only a few months later that I started dating Jerry and the rest is the dream. You know. When I read your posts I remember SO much about my life. So many hard hard things that really suck the life out of a person. And I resist saying, don’t worry, it’ll get better. I do believe that it will, but I also know that it doesn’t help right NOW. So, enjoy your trip and your marathon, and then come on home 🙂

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