Love is something eternal… The aspect may change, but not the essence.-Vincent Van Gogh

December 30, 2009 § Leave a comment

Y’all, I am sorry.  I disappeared for a bit and, just like any other relationship, though it was not really an intentional thing, it is still worthy of apology.  So, I am sorry.
What brought me crawling back, you ask?  It was a lot of little things that slowly piled on to each other and then, I saw a movie.  If you know me at all, you know that I love good film, and am often brought new insight by these moving pictures.  You’re let in on a little piece of a life, albeit made up, and you’re a silent observer in this story.  Watching and listening, but also engaging and, in the good films, the credits roll, the lights go up, and you realize where you are.  You aren’t in the story, and it surprises you.

Tonight was not that good, but it did have moments where I forgot where I was and, at one point, hit the person next to me in shock (I honestly don’t realize I’m hitting until it’s over.  Don’t worry, I already apologized.)  But, it was a great film that spoke a lot of truth to me, and revealed a lot of things about the character of people, where I really am with everything, and that Alec Baldwin is a rather fat man.  The film though, was the top of the pile of things that have been speaking truth.  It began with Amy.

See, she doesn’t know it yet, but I’ve been following this beautiful lady, and she’s inspiring.  One of her recent posts reached out and spoke directly in to my heart.  They (her and her husband) are hoping, and praying, and waiting, for a baby.  And she’s been gracious enough to share her heart with the wonderful wide world of the internetz.  What she doesn’t know is, I, too, am hoping, and praying, and waiting.   I think we all are.  You should really read the entry and it’ll save me a lot of typing. But, rather than a baby, I’m hoping/praying/waiting on what God has made me for.  Who He’s made me for.  Where He’s made me for.

I also was given The Civil Wars EP on CD today (insert weblink here.  You’re smart, you’ll find them.)  And they are so good, and at least one of their songs has been speaking directly to me the past couple of days.  Add that to the pile of Amy, and the film, and the encouraging words of Jesus, and I’m just all kinds of introspective.

Through all of this, I know above know that my heart is a much more fragile thing than I have previously admitted.  I should treat it as such.  I also know what was said by a good friend of mine:  “God has given (me) a much bigger heart than standing around, flirting with dirty old men who need Jesus.”  YES.  Yes, He HAS.  I don’t think I can effectively convey through text just how big my eyeballs get when I say those last two sentences, nor how much em-fass-iss is on those words that are capitalized.  How quickly and easily satisfied I am by the mudpie I’m given, when riches and beauty and splendor await. I just haven’t seen them before, so I have no idea that I’m living in a shanty-town playing with dirt.

Amy, that beautiful lady you should read, is a beautiful soul.  You can feel it without even meeting her face to face.  And I’ve thought, more than once, that I’m not kind enough to enjoy her company.  But, I am.  Yes, I’m a little loud, and mayhaps a little crass (c’mon, I am my momma’s daughter), but I’m the same as her in that we are both daughters of Jesus.  How dare I sell myself short of being what God designed me to be.  I love people.  I love Jesus.  I love combining the two.  I can’t watch scary movies because I am too easily damaged.  And that’s okay.  It’s okay to be a bit fragile in regards to matters of the heart.

And if this is the only reason Jesus brought this man into my life, to reveal all of this to me, then that just goes to show how beautiful He really is.

(I know, I didn’t mention a man before, and you’re confused.  It’s okay.  He may be revealed to you just yet.)

Jesus has done all things well.

I’m glad to be back with you.

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