I always say that every year is my most favorite. Still true.

My friend Melissa says I get stuck on the weirdest things.
(‘Tis true.  She’s quite brilliant.)

Last Saturday, a mere seven days ago, Idon’tevenknowhowmany of you came out to my friend Mark’s beautiful home and blessed my soul in ways I don’t have the proper words for.  Great beer (despite that whole finicky broken tap thing), a hot tub, a baby! (like, a real live baby!), living room dancing, and through some serious conniving…my parents.  My gorgeous-beautiful-hilarious-everybody-loves-them parents came waltzing out on to the back porch like it was the most normal thing in the world.

If this is 30, I’d like to get stuck here for quite some time.
Thanks for being so fantastical.
Love you fiercely.

All the embraces I can muster,
amaris

We all wound up in DC at the same time, hallelujah.

Usually, I’m very wary of shiny new things.

New season.
There’s like an inner shift, or signal, that tells your soul that you are on the edge of a clearing.  A big field with captivating evening light and big sky where the breathing is easier.

I am there.  My soul is better for it.

It has been a long long while since I was on the brink of a new season.  Almost seven years, to be exact.  It leaves me nervous and exhilarated and joyful (even more than usual).  As this pile of change has approached, part of me has thought I was fooling myself.  And yet, here we are.  Me, sitting in a lovely older apartment in DC, just hours away from traveling to New York.

A few days after that, I leave the United States.
And, oh how much can happen in just 100 days.

I am most looking forward to standing in a square, with snow in my hair, listening to a dozen languages walk by, and knowing that it is no accident that I am standing in that spot.  I am looking forward to meeting the McLure’s, and singing in Czech, and capturing the souls of eastern Europe in my tiny little box.

Change comes.
Seasons march along.
I was weary, and weighted, and broken.  And along came refuge, and relief, and healing.

Just. keep. trucking.
And when the weight gets to be too much, holler.  I’ll gladly listen when my arms can’t reach.  And I’ll gladly embrace you when they can.

Just keep trucking.

30 Things (I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Was 30)

Today, I turn 30.
Thirty!
I swear I blinked and here I am joining the Cool Kids Club.  No, really, it’s a Club.  I got a card in the mail and everything.

For as long as I can remember, I have done things differently.  Sure, I had good friends in high school and covered my face in paint for homecoming games.  I worked decent jobs and have a great family and, for the longest time, thought living in a cubicle wearing “business casual” was what I wanted to do with my life.
If that’s what you want to do with your life, that’s awesome.
But, I mean, have you met me?

In the course of doing things differently, there have been a few things I wish someone had told me.  I’m not sure it would have helped all that much, as some lessons need to be learned by experience, but I still think it.  So, in that vein, I bring you a list of 30 things I wish someone had told me before I hit 30.  Heck, before I hit 25, even.

Special thanks to Beth Parent and Dre Szkolnyj for their hilarious assistance.

My life is beautiful.
Alright, 30, let’s dance.

1.  Do not let the words of someone else determine your joy.  Amen.
2.  When you take the lid off a boiling pot of anything, that lid will drip on your toes.  And it will suck.
3.  There will come a time when doing simple things like closing the car door or walking downhill will make your body hurt.  Like a lot.  This time is coming soon.
4.  Take care of your skin. It really, REALLY matters. It will sag in places you didn’t think it would sag. And this is just the beginning.
5.  Invest in a good bra.  It will change your life.  Don’t be afraid to have a great sales woman feel you up to make it happen.
6.  There is no path that anyone SHOULD go down.  Anybody that tells you that is lying.  You have to figure out what YOUR story is.
Everyone’s story is different.
Everyone’s.
7.  However, there ARE some paths that no one should go down. Like, butt implants. Or cocaine.
8.  There will come a day when you are so excited to stay home on a Friday night.  Embrace it.  And stock up on Ben and Jerry’s.  Cuz’ you’s gawn need it.
9.  Learn the Tim Tam Slam.
10. You know a lot less than you think you do.  Don’t assume.  Ask more questions.
11. You know a lot more than you think you do.  Be confident.
12. Create.  As often as possible.
13. Figure out how to use who you are for the benefit of everyone.  Don’t be less of who you are because it inconveniences someone else.
14. Just because something is expensive doesn’t mean it’s better.
15. However, don’t be afraid to spend money on really good shoes.  They will make you much happier every day.
16. Be vulnerable with people who will love and care for you, not just dudes who act like they care so they can get into your drawers.
17. Keep a chocolate drawer to keep you sane.
18. Don’t iron your hair. It does not work like a flat iron.
19. If you’re not sure that it’s just going to be a fart, hold it in until you can get to a restroom.
20. Cancel memberships you no longer use.  Even if you think they’re going to end on their own, double check.
21. Be thoughtful and kind.  They’re more important than being important.
22. When you’re stressed out, puppies really do make everything better.  Go find one.
23. If you can’t find a puppy, The Three Amigos and mint-chocolate-chip ice cream will suffice.
24. Men at 30 have the potential to look DRASTICALLY different than they did at twenty.  You should be aware of this before you make any long-term decisions.
Drastically.
25. Don’t wait on somebody else to give you flowers.  Fill your home with them.
26. There will be a year in your early/mid-twenties that will TOTALLY suck.  But it will get better.  Promise.
27. Do NOT, under any circumstances, believe the following myths:
- You’re not grown up until you have children.
- You’re not married because you’re not “ready.”
- You’re not lovable if you don’t have a man in your life.
- If a boy doesn’t like you, you need to change.
- After you get married, you can’t travel any more.
- If you’re not married, you are alone.
- The older you get, the less likely you are to find someone.
28. It may require you to eat a lot of ramen later, but go. on. vacation.  Your soul needs it.
29. Don’t be lame and don’t be an asshole.
30. Dance it out.

Jesus gave me a margarita. To GO.

Guess who’s got herself a plane ticket to Prague?

It’s a one-way to London, technically, but I’ve got the Prague leg purchased, too.  And the ticket home will be purchased in a couple of months.  We’re down to the last few hundred.
Un. BELIEVABLE.
There seriously aren’t words to put here about how much my brain implodes in this process.  As I’ve needed it, it’s showed up.  It’s worked like this before in my life, but this is just taking it to a whole ‘nother level.

Like, there was this one time that Lisa & I walked over to eat mexican in Cameron Village.  Afterwards, we went to purchase small groceries at Harris Teeter.  But, due to margaritas (which resulted in me dancing to my own made up tune about applesauce on the applesauce aisle), we had a shopping trip long debate about how we would get home.
And, just like that, we ran into Liz, who lives just 3 doors down from Lisa.  A mere 60 feet.
Lisa pointed at me and goes, “It’s because I’m with YOU!!!”
Y’all, I don’t ask for the random.  It just happens.

Earlier this week, Momma & I went to eat Mexican (do you see a theme?) and had just 42 minutes to order, eat, and get out the door to my dental appointment.  But, it had been quite. the. day. and I ordered a margarita.  I was all proud because I had ordered completely in Spanish until Jesus (the server, not God) brings me a glass literally the size of my head.
2 brain freezes and a lot of chest pain later, as I tried to down the thing, I was only halfway through it when we had to skeedaddle.
Momma: “I bet he’d put it in a to go cup for you.”
Me: “Momma, that is ILLEGAL.”
Momma: “You bat them big brown eyes?  How much you wanna bet?”
I lost a chocolate molten lava cake from Chili’s.

Somehow, as Jesus refused to answer any of my questions asked in English, I asked him if I could touch him with me.
Not take IT with me….touch HIM with me.
Of course he was all “Vaminos!”  No, Jesus, we are not going anywhere.

He then leaned over and goes “I’m not supposed to.  But, I bring you the cup and whatever happens, just don’t tell me.”
Best dentist visit EVER.

Tell the people you love that you love them.
Tell them again in 97 days.  Just ’cause.

Have a beautiful Christmas, y’all.
Love.

Grateful doesn’t even begin to cover it.

For those of you unable to watch videos at work or on your dying laptop, the text has been transcribed for you.  Otherwise, click play!
Love, amaris
PS – We’re still selling down to the walls this Sunday, December 18th from 1-5pm! 

In the past, by more than one of you, I have been accused of being one of the most expressive people that some of you have ever met.  So, with that in mind, I bring you to my first ever video blog.  A vlog about Prague.
I know.
It’s kind of sad how happy that makes me.

(Sigh)
I am going.
I am going!

You guys are amazing beautiful people and those words still have a really hard time formulating themselves as, over the past however long, I have really struggled & lamented & prayed about this opportunity as I strived to seek the best route possible for my last semester at NC State.

And the outpouring has been absolutely mind. blowing.
Humbling, I think, is probably a better word.

Being an adult student is not easy.  I joke all the time that being an adult might be the most exhaustive thing I’ve ever done with my life.  Studying abroad as an adult student is certainly starting to rival it.  But, I came to you and said “Please, believe in me.  Believe in this trip and this opportunity.”   And you have all stepped up and responded in ways that are just…incredible.

I’ve had single digit donations.  I’ve had triple digit donations.  I’ve had jobs that have just appeared.  During Christmas, for that matter!  I understand the economy sucks and budgets are suffocating.  I honestly did not believe that this could happen.
I underestimated you.

At this very much moment, I am about a thousand dollars short.  Most of that is wrapped up in a plane ticket that has yet to be purchased.
You know, I have to, like, get there.
Minor detail.

It’s okay!
I have faith that I’m going.
I have faith that I will be able to send you another update while I standing on a cobblestone street and a breath of my air escapes out into the cold.
I have faith that I will be on a plane bound for London with another plane waiting on me bound for Prague in just over 30 days.

I think it’s gonna happen.
So, with faith, I move forward.
You are unbelievable.
Thank you for everything.
Thank you for stepping up.
Thank you for loving me, supporting me, and sending me.
I think we all know that I’m gonna love on some Czech people somethin’ fierce.

Budu v Praha.
I’ll be in Prague.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.

All kinds of beautiful. Swoon.

Photo by Miroslav Petroska

On Friday night, I had the privilege of sitting on the very top row of a romantically old theater in Durham with a few lovelies.  In a room with brilliant acoustics, we became a part of the chanting and musical beauty happening on stage from artists so great I cannot locate anything online that does them any sort of justice.

However, that will have to be for another time, maybe over coffee with you somewhere, because there has been some big stuff happening in the past seven days.
Like. Whoa.

Quick recap:
Next semester: Prague.  Four months of turning off the big girl life.  A medieval environment in which my only obligations are to take photos, get better at what I do, and talk philosophy.
Seriously.
I honestly don’t think it’s possible to properly convey how excited my currently trying-not-to-eat-the-table-from-exhaustion self is at the thought.

Due to a financial aid miscommunication, I came to you, asking you to believe in me.
Total bill: $15,200
Covered by loans/grants/cash: $12,200
Pledged, promised, or paid in the past 7 days: $1250

Nearly halfway!
Beautiful, beautiful people.  All of you!

But wait!  There’s more!
A couple of weeks ago, I was highly encouraged to apply to blog for the Study Abroad office as they were wanting “hospitable, mature, & engaging individuals who are familiar with WordPress and various social media outlets.”  <—It’s like they know me or something.
So, I applied.  Turned it in Friday and heard today that I was selected!
And it pays FIFTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS.
Alas, I won’t see it until I’m in country (so it only kind of helps), but talk about a miracle!

There are seven days remaining to come up with the $1750 balance.  We are still having Portraits with Santa (for those of us that dread the mall), I’m selling a lot of my stuff, and I’m still booking sessions up to Sunday, January 15th.
If you’d just like a reason, I turn (gulp) 30 in January.
THIRTY.  Holy frittata, Batman.

Any tiny, small, piece of anything helps.
My heart overflows with gratitude for you.

Love.

 

Prague Speed Bump #idontevenknow (But, it’s a doozy).

Three in the morning and I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to put this thing together.  Last week, quite a few of you got an idea of where things are at with me getting to Prague.  In case you only kind of know what’s going on, a quick recap.

A mere 55 days from today, I have the chance to study abroad in Prague, Czech Republic.  A thousand little details have been attended to and letters written asking for permission and i’s dotted and t’s crossed.  Everything appeared in order for me to hop across the pond to spend four months with no rent, no major bills, no business.  A very important chance to work with some amazing photographers in a foreign environment where the only thing asked of me is to attend classes and take beautiful photos.  Improve my craft and love others and run.  Oh, I already drool over the chance to run on a medieval cobblestone street.

But, out of the $15,000 I need to go, my loans and cash fall short by approximately $3000USD.  As I’m unable to take out a private loan, there are other ways to earn it on the table.  Yeah.  Oof.  Bottom line, by December 13th, as my Momma says, I have to call the ball.  By this date, I must have $3000 in pledges, payments (or airline points!!) or my trip will be cancelled.  As I told someone earlier today, it’s not like I won’t have anything to do if I stay.
However, God willing, I would really really really really like to go.
Like, really really.

As of this moment, I have approximately $300 pledged.  Before I’ve even come to you, I’m 10% there.  Hopeful, hopeful, hopeful.
So, here’s the skinny, Minnie, on ways I’m hoping to come up with the fundage.

The 411
Mini-Sessions & Full Sessions
Ongoing by appointment
If you need photos, for just about anything, I’m willing.  As long as I don’t have another commitment at your requested time.
Feel free to contact me: amaris@amarishames.com

Portraits with Santa!
Sunday, December 11th, 2011
1-4pm
Come enjoy some sweet treats, cider, & visit with Santa!  Skip the lines and the mayhem of the mall.
$15 includes an 8×10 and JPG file
More info here 

Come buy my stuff!
Sunday, December 18th, 2011
1-5pm
Where am I supposed to put all my things for five months?  Come get a hug, a little wine, and peruse my apartment for some things!
More info here 

The Big 3-0
Right as 2012 ’rounds the corner, my 20′s come to an end.  Please, no graves or black balloons or prank funeral home calls.  You’re more than welcome to use this as an excuse to help me go.

In a blog post last week, I told you of a friend who said folks believed in me.
Just a few days ago, another girl sat at Raleigh Times Bar and asked how I managed to make this a business.
“Do you advertise?”, she asked.  ”This economy sucks.”
“Nope, at this moment, I do not advertise.  All of my work has been word of mouth.”
The fact that this statement is true continues to blow me away.  But, I know it’s true because so many of you believe in me.
My gratitude for all of your beautiful faces cannot be properly expressed in a blog post.  (Why do you think I hug you so much?)

If you have suggestions, comments, or other crazy ideas for fundraising, I love chatting with you.  Don’t hesitate to get in touch.

Love, Lurv, Lurb,
amaris

An Appeal. From Me. To You.

Me and the cursor on this screen are not friends.  I’ve been staring at it for awhile, over a couple of days, creating raps and such to its beat, trying to find proper words to put here.  I’ma Tarantino it for you.  Give you the end and then go back and explain from the beginning.  How’s that?

Out of a $15,200 dollar tab for Prague, I still need $3000.
Yes, with three zeroes on the end.

There.  Said.  Out in the open.

Alright, so, if you’ve known me for longer than oh, 48 hours, this program has probably been mentioned.  It’s been in the works for over a year and things looked to be good to go.  There has been a plethora of meetings and requests and forms.  Through all of it, I’ve simply tried to walk faithfully.  Go through one door at a time.  In all of this, I’ve said that if I ever got a “No”, I’d give it up.  Walk away.  We’re not at a “No” right now.  I’d like to call it more of a “Oh…dang”.

I could give you a lot of particulars, but I think that would just be confusing.  Instead, I simply ask…

Could you help me go? 

It’s not missions or even humanitarian (though we all know I’m gonna love on some Czech people somethin’ fierce).  But, this opportunity is not one I take lightly.  Writing this has proven difficult, but as a great friend told me recently, “Amaris, people believe in you.”

So, it is with that spirit that I ask for help; ask you to believe in me.
And it is in that spirit that I list a few ways for you to respond.  If you’re interested in any of these, please contact me at:
Amaris@amarishames.com
919.244.2234
*Of course, if you’d like to speak with me face-to-face, I’ll gladly arrange it!

Mini-Sessions
Ongoing by appointment
$75
30min portrait sessions with up to 7 people
20 edited images available in downloadable online gallery within 7 days

Portraits with Santa!
Sunday, December 11^th
1-4pm
$15
Includes 8×10 and a JPG file
Come have a cup of cider, meet Santa, and have a portrait done!
Additional information can be found here.

Tag Sale
Sunday, December 19^th
1-5pm
Specifically geared toward 20/30-somethings living on dreams and Spaghetti-O’s, almost all of what’s in my apartment will be up for sale.  There will be warm food, baked goodness, and a little wine.  Come grab a few things for your place and get some food, laughter, & hugs!

PS- If none of these work for you, but you’d still like to help, I hit the big 3-0 on January 5th.  I’m just sayin’.

 

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.”  -Helen Keller

A month of beautiful.

Only 34 days remain in my private, secluded, refuge away from the rest of the real world.  At that time, at least as far as I know, my things will be reduced again to what I can carry.

If I can’t be social, don’t hold it against me.  I just want to rest on my momma’s couch and relish these last few days of flying solo.

Helping today.

When it rains or it shines on this pillow of mine
I will lift up my head to the sky
So I have chance to see
Where my hope has come from
Know there’s nothing that I can’t abide

When Nothing Satisfies You
When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand

Send forth Your Light Lord,
And send forth Your Truth
Let them guide me to Your Holy Place
Then will I go to the Altar of God
To my Joy, my Delight and my Strength

When Nothing Satisfies You
When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand

Why are You so downcast o my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God
My Savior, my King
My Savior, my King

When Nothing Satisfies You
When nothing satisfies you
When nothing satisfies you
Hold my hand

When Nothing Satisfies 

Jennifer Knapp

The Collection